EQ – building stronger relationships

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is all about understanding and managing our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It’s becoming more and more recognized as a major factor in both our personal and professional lives, and for good reason.

Let’s start with the basics – EQ helps us build stronger relationships. When we understand and empathize with the feelings of others, we can connect with them on a deeper level. This is especially important in the workplace, where strong relationships between team members can lead to better productivity and overall success.

But EQ isn’t just about relationships. It also helps us make better decisions. When we’re in touch with our own emotions, we can understand the motivations and intentions behind our actions, and make choices that align with our values and goals.

Another important aspect of EQ is being able to manage our own emotions, especially in high-stress situations. This can make all the difference in keeping a level head when things get tough.

So, how can we improve our EQ? One way is to become more aware of our own emotions and learn to recognize when we’re getting upset or stressed. This can help us take steps to manage our emotions before they spiral out of control. Another way is to practice empathy – try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine how they might be feeling. This can help us understand and relate to others more effectively.

In short, EQ is a crucial part of living a fulfilling life – both personally and professionally. By becoming more aware of our own emotions, practicing empathy, and learning to manage our emotions, we can build stronger relationships, make better decisions, and lead a more satisfying life.


We all make them.

A lot of us try everything to avoid making them. Some people deny when they have made them. Others are convinced they never make any.

Is it good to make mistakes?

I’d say – yes! Mistakes are where we learn. But why are made to feel that mistakes are bad? I mean non-fatal mistakes!

Why do people feel they / it are / was a failure? When we were born we couldn’t walk; we learnt through failure. We learn through failure through our whole school and work life. Yet it brings anxiety and dread if we make a mistake.

We should embrace mistakes. This will give us the freedom to free ourselves from anxiety. We will then be more creative in our decisions. As long as we review the outcomes of our decisions and learn from them then success is round the corner.

Do you have any examples of where your mistakes have lead to success? How do you feel about making mistakes?

I don’t know

Just 3 small words. Words that a lot of people are too scared to say.

“Will it make me look stupid that I don’t know”?

This is what most of us ask ourselves when in a meeting with our colleagues, boss, client when a question is asked. Often, we try to fill our minds with online books, quotes and experiences just in case.

However, in my experience as a leader, these are 3 great small words.

As a leader we don’t know everything. We are not meant to know everything. We can’t know everything.

So why are we fearful of saying them? It can actually help us in so many ways.

Being a leader means that we are vulnerable. Saying “I don’t know” displays your natural vulnerability. It will mean our team sees us as someone who is not infallible. It gives them the freedom to also be vulnerable and say “I don’t know”. The freedom in these 3 words is huge.

I am not saying that you throw your arms up in the air when someone asks you a question in a completely aloof manner, but to be honest and if you don’t know then don’t pretend; yes, do your research when required and feedback when the answer is required.

Also, saying “I don’t know” enables our team to take responsibility for finding out the answer for themselves. This has opened up so many new avenues for the team; no longer are you the blocker or bottle-neck, you are now developing a team who will take responsibility for their own learning and mistake-making.

In your next meeting, discussion, 1-2-1 with someone I would urge you to not being afraid to saying “I don’t know, but I will find out” or “I don’t know, why don’t you research and let me know your thoughts”.

There are powerful lessons in these words.

Have you ever been in a situation where “I don’t know” has or has not worked for you? Do you think these 3 words shouldn’t be in your vocabulary? Please let me know your comments/thoughts on how you have or intend to use these words in your next meeting.


Today I attended a seminar in London. It was very interesting listening to the speakers discuss IT in the line of work I am in.

There is usually a coffee-break to allow people to network.

As leader do we need to network?

In my previous non-leadership role I would have shied away from talking to strangers. I would attend the conference/seminar, keep my head down, and head home.

Today I decided to introduce myself to a key speaker. It turned out that I had an appointment with this person in January 2020 – something I didn’t realise until I spoke with them!

Morale of the story? Well, i’m not sure there is one but creating connection with people is vital. The scene has been set ready for our pre-arranged meeting next month, I know what they are like, they know what I am like, and now we have base to start a conversation.

I would urge anyone to take the leap and go for it. Go and say hello to that important speaker. Go and say hello to that client/business/supplier.

You never know – you may just have created a connection that can be mutually beneficial!

How do you find networking? What tips have you got to help people take the leap?

It’s not about you

Many people move into management/leadership roles for their own gain. They think ‘I am now at the top of my game’, ‘next step on the ladder is naturally management’. These views could be classed as selfish. The role is perceived to be about you and your title.

What should it be? Leadership is what can you do for others. In order to be a good leader you must serve. Just like in order to be a good friend you serve your friends, in order to be a good restaurant you serve your customers. It doesn’t mean that you do all the work; the art of leadership is to be the catalyst that extracts the hidden talents of the people in your team.

Do you agree or disagree?

From programmer to manager

It’s been a long long time since I last blogged. I set out to start this as a resource to help other programmers understand how they can make their way in business.

I found myself moving from a web developer role working on a few high-profile clients to working with a previous company as a software development manager.

Why did I change direction?

Being a software developer I found that I was more suited to helping people. Not in the “I know best”, but in the “you know best, show us what you can do”. This change in mindset opened up a new way of interaction. Gone were the days of programming for a living, but to encourage, motivate and remind people of their passion and how they can help themselves and others.

I aim to blog regularly on my thoughts, observations, lessons learnt (and believe me, there will be lessons learnt!) on leading a team of software developers.

Stay tuned!